We decided to expand our family through adoption. It was 2018, a few weeks into the new year, that Aaron and I selected the Lifetime Adoption Agency. For years I struggled with infertility, heartache and felt like a failure. I provide details of those struggles in my first post; How I finally became a mom after 50.
This post outlines the components of our year long course after our decision. And I hope sharing our first-hand experience is helpful to anyone considering adoption.
The Financials
Aaron and I called our financial planner for advice on how to finance our adoption. We had considered using part of our retirement savings. Ultimately, we followed our planner’s advice, and used one of our vehicle titles to secure a low interest rate loan from the credit union.
He informed us that a successful adoption would allow for a substantial tax credit to help subsidize cost. Excitingly, our advisor told us that he too was adopted, and he and his wife were in the process of adopting a child!
Home Study
The first order of business was to complete a home study. It included thorough background checks, fingerprints, and several in-home visits by a social worker.
One of the first things the social worker did was put our minds at ease regarding the home visits. She assured us that the purpose was not to judge the appearance or value of the home. She explained that the purpose was to assess our character, our ability to provide for a child, and whether our home and lifestyle could offer safety and stability.
We learned a lot about ourselves, our expectations and some things on which we didn’t see eye-to-eye. Some sessions were altogether and others were one-on-one with the social worker. The process demanded time and commitment yet we both agreed it was benefical.
The Kindness of Our Friends
After completing our home study, we created our adoption profile. The agency distributed them to the birth mothers for a potential match. One of the requirements for the profile was to have recent professional family photos for the front and back covers of the profile. We contacted Kim Brantley Photography to book an adoption photo shoot. Kim happens to be a worship leader at our church and is a gifted vocalist. The photos turned out beautifully and she absolutely refused to accept payment from us. She explained she wanted to be a blessing to us in our quest for adoption.
We had family and friends assist by writing referral articles with photos to include in our profile. Everyone we approached willingly agreed to assist us.
Working and Waiting
After our profile was done, we went to work constructing a gender neutral nursery in preparation for a new son or daughter. That was right around the time that Toys R Us had their huge Going Out of Business sale. Fortunately, I snagged one of those pricey, name brand 4-in-1 convertible cribs with a matching dresser at a fraction of the retail price. I can assure you that without that sale, this baby would not have forked over the cache at the original cost. (Mom-joke alert!)
With all the preliminaries concluded, all we had to do next was to wait. Aaron and I determined we would not monopolize our focus on the wait. We hosted Saturday game nights bi-weekly at our home. And we took a few trips: Chattanooga with friends in May; Florida for a family occasion in July; And to New Orleans with friends in August. Our mindset was to stay busy, have fun, and remain positive.
Introducing KIA
It was in September that our lives changed the moment we received that momentous phone call from Lifetime. Read the full story; How I finally became a mom after 50.
The call was to inform us that a birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby boy. We connected with Kia, from Texas, who seemed as excited for us as we were for ourselves! To say that we are forever grateful to her for choosing us is an understatement of major proportions!
Leading up to her due date, Kia went out of her way to provide keepsakes that all mothers cherish. She sent me sonogram photos and even a video of the baby moving in her belly. Every time we thanked her for choosing us, she would reply “I’m happy to do this for you all”. She even invited us to share the birth experience and we gladly accepted! Even for writing this post, I asked her for permission to share and she gave me her blessing and told me she is happy to be a part of our adoption story.
The agency provided a checklist to complete in preparation for the remaining process for adoption. We needed to retain an adoption attorney in the birth mother’s state. Thankfully, the adoption agency recommended a great Texas attorney. Eric Freeby and his team were thorough, accessible and they proactively kept us informed throughout the process. We interviewed and selected a pediatrician, visited several daycares, and took a parenting class at a local hospital. And after much research of possible baby names, we chose Zachary Noah.
Adoption Showers of Blessings
My incredible Six Flags over Georgia former coworkers took me to lunch and showered me with loads of gifts for Zachary. I am in tears just reflecting on the outpour of support for us.
After personalizing and adding the finishing touches to the nursery, we invited friends over for the big reveal. They arrived bearing generous gift cards and enough baby outfits, blankets and burp cloths to completely fill his closet and dresser drawers. One other dear friend provided a swing, car seat, and a bassinet glider! That glider was a God-send!
We Meet
Very early, the morning of our wedding anniversary, Kia called with the news that she was in labor. We made sure our home and our dog, Nico were taken care of, and rushed to the airport. Zachary came fast, and we missed the birth experience by several hours.
Eventualy, we landed in Texas, grabbed a rental and dashed to the hospital to meet Kia and receive the priceless blessing she gave us. She was as sweet and genuine as she had been over the phone. She placed that precious chunk of chocolate in my arms- He was perfect! Aaron and I took turns cradling him as we hung out in Kia’s hospital room chatting like old friends.
After we all had a bite to eat, we left Kia to get her some much needed rest. As I carried my little bundle, Aaron pushed the bassinet down the corridor. I lifted my new son to my lips and planted a big ole smooch on his chin. It was with that kiss that I felt a tangible wave of pure love for this perfect little stranger.
The Unexpected Hospitality
The head nurse graced us with the nursing mothers’ room for our 2 nights hospital stay. It was furnished with everything a typical hospital room has except for a bed. That was significant, as we knew in advance that particular hospital did not provide accomodations for adoptive parents.
That first night we gratefully and happily began the bonding process with our new son. And throughout the night we sleepily greeted nurses and other staff who entered the room periodically to check the baby’s vitals.
The Second Wait
Kia was discharged the next afternoon and had to wait 48 hours after giving birth to sign legal placement paperwork. Aaron and I stayed laser focused on all of the tasks we had at hand. We didn’t even have time to dwell on the possibility that she might change her mind and refuse to sign the release documents.
The agency webinars had cautioned that on occasion, hopeful adoptees unfortunately had experiences where birthmothers chose not to go through with the adoption. We stayed in the zone- methodically ticking through our checklist.
To-Do List
With Aaron being an military veteran, I made calls to DFAS trying to get Zachary added as a dependent. And I made calls to the local military bases in Dallas to arrange to get him a benefits ID card. It turns out, I was unaware that neither of those processes happens even remotely swiftly and that ultimately neither were immediately necessary. AdditionalIy we needed to:
- Book an extended stay hotel
- Extend the rental car agreement
- Ship one of the baby’s used blankets to the dog sitter
…And the list went on. It was like a whirlwind!
Changing of the Guardians
The attorney’s representative kept us updated. She planned to meet with Kia in about 24 hours. The next day as scheduled, Kia signed the paperwork and greeted us with loaded bags of items that had been given to her at her baby shower. We were most grateful and comforted to know that she had such support for her and her decision.
We met Kia’s mom that day too. It was sweet how she called the baby by his middle name, Noah. Upon leaving, we shared hugs, many “Thank yous” and said our good-byes.
Zachary passed his routine physcial exams and fianally the hospital released him into our care. After the nurse escorted us to our rental car, we snapped the baby carrier into its base and I climbed in back with our little man for his very first car ride.
The Third Wait
We headed to our temporary home to wait for permission to leave Texas and return to Alabama with our baby. With out of state adoptions, there is a requirement for ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) clearance. We learned from the agency webinars that Texas is notoriously slow with ICPC clearance. And we were prepared to wait it out.
Hotel Life
Settling in at the hotel, for the first time there was only the three of us, without the hustle and bustle of the hospital staff, doctors, and nurses. Not long after, Zachary started to get fussy and as I comforted him, I playfully said “Hey, it’s just you and us now”. The minute I said that, I was flooded with emotion and the reality of the moment, and I just lost it! We went on to spend the next several days bonding and growing more and more in love with our son as we awaited clearance to return home.
Home-Bound, Baby on Board
After 11 days we were cleared to leave Texas for Sweet Home Alabama! We booked the first available flight and set off to the airport.
We were seated at the front of the plane beside a young man sitting on the aisle. As we claimed our seats with our newborn in tow, he greeted us politely, yet couldn’t hide the look of dread on his face. Who wants to sit next to a crying baby on plane, right?
My plan was to feed the baby at take-off and landing. I had read that would help with ear pressure from the plane. To everyone’s surprise, Zachary didn’t cry the entire flight. Actually, he stayed mostly awake and was perfectly content.
The flight attendants were even amazed at how peaceful he was and they made a big deal of presenting him wings and a certificate commemorating his first flight. Incidentally, the young man beside us asked for our permission to take a photo of Zachary. We agreed, and I imagine he posted it on social media captioning his amazement of having a pleasant flight beside a newborn.
Home Sweet Home
A couple of days after we got home, Nico’s first meeting with Zachary was uneventful. To our delight, he gave him a good sniffing, wagged his tail and walked away. The dogsitter told us that Nico had cuddled every night with baby’s blanket we had shipped. The boy and his dog continue to be best buds to this day.
Happy Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving was around the corner and we spent it quietly at home, just the three of us. That day I made my first Facebook post of Zachary with the announcement of our adoption. Never was that holiday more meaningful for me.
Thank you to our family, friends, coworkers, church family, social media family, the adoption agency, and most of all to Kia who entrusted us with a most precious and valuable gift.
The Second Shoot
Over the next few weeks we had visitors asking to come see our little blessing. Kim reached out to set up a time to see Zachary and told us she she wanted to take pictures. She again gifted us the most beautiful family photo shoot! I cannot stress enough how grateful we are to her and our entire network of support.
Merry Christmas!
Christmas came and rounded out a year of firsts for us. It’s hard to believe we have now celebrated 5 Christmases with our 4 year old. My, how the time has flown!
It’s Official
A Texas judge signed our final adoption decree January 31st, 2019. Coincidentally, it was one year to the date that Lifetime Adoption approved our application to start our process. Tax time came around and needless to say, that adoption credit was put to good use. We paid off the entire outstanding balance of our loan.
What’s Your Story?
Along our road to adoption we have discovered many aquaintences who are connected by adoption. They were adopted themselves, have adopted children, or they know of, or are related to someone adopted.
I look forward to continuing to share our adoption story and answer questions regarding our experience. As well, I want to hear your experiences. Were you or have you adopted? Are you a pregnant mother or a hopeful mother-to-be contemplating adoption? What is your adoption story?